The Secret to a High-Quality Relationship
- evikerckhoffs
- 9 jul 2022
- 4 minuten om te lezen
Ever found communication in your relationship to be difficult? Me too. Feeling close to your partner can be hard when all you have is words. Communication is what connects you and your partner and lets you feel intimate, even without physical touch. Especially when in a long-distance relationship, communication is vital. I researched this issue for my master's thesis in Communication Science. This blog shares the secret to the perfect communication method to ensure a high-quality loving relationship.
The opportunities of the digital world I have been in a long-distance relationship with my now fiancƩ since 2018. Our relationship would simply not exist without (digital) communication. Can you imagine being in a relationship without being able to touch each other? Hold your partner's hand? Run your fingers through their hair? Or just smile at them, so they know everything is ok?
Especially in the current digital world, more and more couples are in long-distance relationships. Love no longer knows the limits of borders. Because of that, finding your partner is no longer dependent on who lives in your village or whom your friends and family know. Love can now travel across oceans. We no longer have to wait months for a love letter from our loved ones. Nowadays, love can travel through the little blue checkmarks at any second of the day.
Love through digital communication creates opportunities but also different priorities. Instead of being able to just hug your partner, you need to send comfort through your phone with words in a chat box or your face on a tiny screen. Instead of a good night kiss right before falling asleep, you need to find a way to feel that warmth and intimacy without physical touch. Instead of picking up on non-verbal cues, you must learn the ins and outs of your partner's communication style.
The secret to intimacy without physical touch This got me curious about the best way to communicate, to make sure any relationship is excellent, even without the little kisses on your forehead. That is how I started my research in January 2022, and that is how I found the secret: self-disclosure. But what does that mean, I hear you ask? Wellā¦ that means you and your partner have to share secrets, dreams, emotions, fears, and feelings. Why is this the secret to a great relationship? Because 'disclosing' yourself makes you vulnerable, creating intimacy in a relationship.
As I learned, āyou and your partner have to share secrets, dreams, emotions, fears, and feelings. Why is this the secret to a great relationship? Because 'disclosing' yourself makes you vulnerable, which creates intimacy.ā
I performed a scenario-based experiment study where 448 participants were divided into four groups. Each group read a scenario that either used self-disclosure in communication or not and communicated digitally or face-to-face. The main findings from my research were:
o Self-disclosure creates intimacy and ensures a high-quality relationship
o Self-disclosure makes couples value their relationship
o Self-disclosure makes couples feel close to each other
o Digital communication does not replace face-to-face communication
Self-disclosure is the key As I mentioned, self-disclosure creates intimacy in relationships by revealing information to your partner. Previous studies have already pointed out that self-disclosure and openness are crucial for maintaining, especially a long-distance, relationship. Others proved that affection can grow when couples frequently ask deep questions and open up to each other.
My research confirmed that practicing this phenomenon of self-disclosure helps couples feel like they are in a good relationship. It can create intimacy when they are physically apart, making them feel close.
It showed that self-disclosure is not just crucial for long-distance couples communicating digitally but for all couples' communication. Because even close-distance couples communicate online more frequently, consequently this is important for them as well.
"Another evident conclusion in my research is that self-disclosure is also very helpful in face-to-face communication. Even when it is possible to touch your partner's hand or give them a physical hug, warm words of compassion, dreams, and hopes can create a different level of intimacy."
Not a replacement, but hope And even though my research found that digital communication cannot replace face-to-face communication, it sure can help create intimacy when appropriately implemented.
My research showed that even though the relationship quality was a little less through digital communication compared to face-to-face communication, it was still high. This gives hope for the future of relationship maintenance through digital communication.
In short, my advice to all couples, not just long-distance couples, is: share your secrets, talk about your dreams and hopes for the future, be vulnerable with your emotions and fears, and let your partner know what you are feeling. You won't regret it, even if your love has to travel across oceans through a blue checkmark.
This blog is a summary of my thesis "The value of self-disclosure for long-distance couples" which was assessed by officials of the master's study Communication Science at the Social Science Department of Radboud University. It was graded an 8.5/10 and was the last step of obtaining my Master in Communication Science. Below you can download my thesis.
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